A little less than two months ago I turned twenty. Never in my life has a birthday impacted my life so much. Year after year I would wake up expecting a drastic change, but it never came. This year was a completely different story. I felt change - I have completely transformed into a woman. Sure, physically I am still fifteen, mentally I am exactly twenty. I feel wiser and I feel I am making better choices (minus the few setbacks, but, I can not expect to live life mistake free.) All in all, I am getting my stuff together! I still suffer from major peter pan syndrome but I have decided it is great to be twenty!
About two weeks before my birthday I sat down one afternoon to watch the feature presentation MILK. Let's say that about ten minutes into the movie Sean Penn delivered a line that changed my life.
"I'm 40 years old and I have nothing to be proud of."
Bring on a major anxiety attack. I came to the realization that though half his age, I myself, have done nothing in my life to be proud of. I knew that I could not live my life in the same way. Little by little, my life is improving. I am being extra cautious in making decisions about my future. I feel I have a small cluster of people surrounding me impatiently awaiting a decision. It is not so easy. I want to impact the World.
For my birthday I was presented with tickets to see Elton John (the gay love of my life) and Billy Joel. Several times throughout the concert the lights in the auditorium were turned on. Elton and Billy would cease playing and let the audience take the stage. It was probably the most awe inspiring moment of my life (after Elton singing Tiny Dancer, of course.) That is the kind of impact I want to leave. I want to see sold out stadiums singing along to music I composed, metaphorically speaking.